You are reaching and your addiction has made you feel like you are your own ghost. I know from experience that like any addiction, whatever yours is, you are dealing with many of the same emotions any trauma brings on.
You’ve read so many resources trying to end this journey of addiction you’ve reached out for help or have found many ways to try to find the end of this road so you can move to a new and better one. Addiction is a very open subject so please take all my writings and realize that these emotions are the same emotions that you are feeling. Instead of a person there is a substance that has you trapped and in even worse scenario you may have both. Someone you love who helps drive the addiction or support to move further into it. None of these things or advice is new. But if you can take your perspective and realize you have to choose now. Choose the important parts of your life that you want to have back and the destructive parts that are destroying everything else you are ready to let go of. When you understand this it doesn’t always mean you can instantly take the steps to make change but it means you have realized you must.
Read over the past writings and see how they relate to what you are trapped in. Addictions come in many forms and in my own experiences that form has been a relationship, the acceptance from someone, the addiction to a hope of healing. My greatest addiction has been that of affirmation, through ongoing degradation I slowly felt less and less important and further away from who I truly was. In the past few weeks I have struggled with a new kind of addiction, one that clings to the past and tries to break away from emotions that lead me to stay within a destructive atmosphere. One of my many flaws or strengths, depending on how you see it, would be that of empathy. The ability to look at someone else’s situation and even if my own is a great deal worse I always seem to find such pain in what others are going through. In this particular moment it has been a great empathy towards the person within my abusive relationship. I have felt a great deal of the same emotions that I did when I was within the relationship. The urgency to help them, to care for them, to want them to be safe and happy. This I know is a part of my mind still hanging on through healing to how I was geared to feel. It also could just be the fact that when you love someone truly and put aside the hurtful actions of that person to be with them then it is no easy task to let go of that love for all the things you were trying to fix. Any form of addiction will take hold of you psychologically, emotionally and physically. So as a reminder you can make it.
As with any sort of addiction whether it be to that of pain, or substance or even a habit; you have to decide that you are better without it. Below is a short list of more help topics.
- What Is Substance Abuse Treatment? A Booklet for Families
Created for family members of people with alcohol abuse or drug abuse problems. Answers questions about substance abuse, its symptoms, different types of treatment, and recovery. Addresses concerns of children of parents with substance use/abuse problems. - Alcohol and Drug Addiction Happens in the Best of Families
Describes how alcohol and drug addiction affect the whole family. Explains how substance abuse treatment works, how family interventions can be a first step to recovery, and how to help children in families affected by alcohol abuse and drug abuse. - It’s Not Your Fault (NACoA) (PDF | 12 KB)
Assures teens with parents who abuse alcohol or drugs that, “It’s not your fault!” and that they are not alone. Encourages teens to seek emotional support from other adults, school counselors, and youth support groups such as Alateen, and provides a resource list. - It Feels So Bad: It Doesn’t Have To
Provides information about alcohol and drug addiction to children whose parents or friends’ parents might have substance abuse problems. Advises kids to take care of themselves by communicating about the problem and joining support groups such as Alateen. - After an Attempt: A Guide for Taking Care of Your Family Member After Treatment in the Emergency Department
Aids family members in coping with the aftermath of a relative’s suicide attempt. Describes the emergency department treatment process, lists questions to ask about follow-up treatment, and describes how to reduce risk and ensure safety at home. - Family Therapy Can Help: For People in Recovery From Mental Illness or Addiction
Explores the role of family therapy in recovery from mental illness or substance abuse. Explains how family therapy sessions are run and who conducts them, describes a typical session, and provides information on its effectiveness in recovery.
If you wish to have one on one help please feel free to contact me directly for further resources and individuals who have dealt with the same addictions or issues as yourself.
-JB
A Ghost Of Abuse 