If you have experienced a breakup, whether it is the first or hopefully your last. If you have experienced abuse of any sort. It has somehow originated from love or the lack thereof. So now maybe you feel as if you have lost all that defines who you are. This is not a healthy emotion to carry along through any point of your life and especially moving forward through recovery. Even if you, at your own fault were the possible cause for the relationship to end just remember you are not the cause for the abuse or mistreatment. I do not want to let anyone feel that their emotions or feelings are somehow not as detrimental if they have not suffered trauma or a severe break or abuse. Everything that I have experienced did have a ground basis and ultimately leads to allowing myself to be abused or go into destructive relationships. So if you have stumbled upon reading some things and think they may not apply to you, you are mistaken.
This is not a way of saying that we are responsible for abuse on any level. It is not your fault. In some of my more in-depth writings I explain how our most early decisions regarding relationships and our views on love from a social or spiritual aspect have been greatly skewed through upbringing or religious misguidance. Understand, even if your home life or family gives a great example you can still easily disregard some early signs that would indicate we as humans without Spiritual leading will still justify others’ treatment of us as a trade off for connection and intimacy.
When you find your self beginning to retreat from emotional trauma or experiences, you may begin to regress back into certain feelings. Due to fear of past or present actions, it is important to keep in mind that though your love may feel lost or destroyed it is not.
In a more poetical way you have battled a long time or you have been in an instant destructive moment. The things you had to set aside somewhere so far placed, you wonder if you could ever find them. You grab, grasp, hold onto what you can that resembles something near the feelings you once had. Many of these feelings you have kept alone, placed them in a space that is protected. Put them in a bottle that you threw into an ocean of emotions that crashed onto you from someone else. So when we have decided to heal and let go of the hurts that came we also try to get rid of all those emotions and memories of what used to be. It is good that we have that strength to even try this finally and so we tell ourselves that everything was bad. In regards to love, how do we decide who to give that trust to and when it is safe to be vulnerable? That also is a journey we have to discover along the way. If we can somehow find the parts of ourselves that we know were true on our own part we can use these to benefit and have victories. The love you have given so strongly, the ideas you had surrounding something so sacred, the promises and moments you had. These things are what plays on us as we think it was all lies. When we continually realize that someone would not have hurt us or even set out into intentionally destroying who we are if they didn’t love us. This is the reason that we begin to think that love was a lie then.
Our emotions that are fabricated in our mind are the pure source of how we react and feel in to the future. Whether physical abuse or physiological abuse, short or long term, these have caused you to question a lot about too many things to mention. So I encourage you to do the following. Remember how you loved, how you trusted and gave. How you endured even many things, how you tried so hard without someone else perhaps even noticing. Think of all the great efforts you made and remove the other person from that, keep the emotion of how you felt towards them while at the same time letting them go. Now take these emotions and place them into a savings of sorts. An account that you are going to allow good people to add to, that each day you will work to increase further than the love you even knew existed. Move forward and take that love with you. This means that they have destroyed nothing of your heart, nothing that you do not get to keep that is amazing. The only thing you are leaving behind and now working are the hurt parts of your mind. Healing the patterns that they inflicted upon you. Be careful, this savings account, it is more than you have ever had so don’t just give it to anyone as a whole. If you have neediness or some propensity to need physical attachment, well I discourage this in a shallow way. Do not give to where you know you are not going to be able to add to what you already have in that bottle of emotions full of love.
When we restructure our mind at times we must use the same things our tormenter did. That is just to constantly realize if we do this with good things then we will heal with good things. Remember, why carry pain when we can carry love. -J